Faking it…
Once again Google is an enabler to my neurosis. I had the day off today (Yay for theatre schedules and the Monday, Tuesday weekend!) and inevitably found myself searching about for more braces info. Because you can never know to much about braces – besides, now I know…and
Anywho, I came across an article on CBSNews.com
Entitled “Crack Down on Fake Braces Fashion Fad”. First thoughts were, “that is way too long of a title for a news article” and second was “Who in their right mind wants braces and thinks it is fashionable?!” and third “Where can I find the boys that like this, and are they looking for a cute Italian girl who’s about to be newly braced?”.
If you read the article one can reason that the braces are a sign of wealth (since they can’t afford to have them for real) and by having fake ones they are very obviously showing their “wealth”. It’s like walking around with a knockoff of a Louis Vuitton bag but in your face and the small pieces may choke you.
What kills me about the article is that there were hard core police raids and fines and imprisonment of those caught buying, selling or wearing the fad. How do you explain that one to the parents. “Hey Mom, don’t get mad…but I’m in jail…for wearing braces…yea, I know we can’t afford them, don’t worry they’re fake.”
The other disturbing part of it all was that the faux-braced mouths were in serious danger. They were made of Lead! The article came out in 2006 – If anything, America, we could have prevented the toy mishap by learning from the fashionable Thai girls with lead poisoning. Look alive people…
This gets worse, I found a WikiHow page on “How to Make Fake Braces”. For realzies they suggested taking a paper clip, bending it into a U shape and taping it in your mouth! At first I though McGyver had time traveled from the 80’s to help this kid
but found out it was the genius of 13 authors. For serious, 13 people sat down to figure out how to make fake braces and all they came up with was a paper clip. Not even tinfoil, just a paperclip that was probably stolen from work.
And lastly, this gem from the “Costume and Lingerie” shop (oh dear lord…not the porn again!) comes the $5 fake braces. The best part is the woman wearing them looks like she is about to have an aneurism from thinking. I thought that all nerds are smart, and some nerds wear braces, so all braces wearers are smart. Apparently this site wants the remedial math version of a school girl with braces. Also, why isn’t she wearing a shirt? ::shudders:: ewww.
I need to stop Google-ing things. I get my own set of mouth jewelry, or Grillz if you please, on Thursday at 10:30 AM! I am more anxious than nervous, I am ready to get this shiznit started (trying to get the lingo down before my mouth bling happens). On Friday it is Opening Night at the theatre I work at so my mouth jewelry will make its grand debut at the after party (thank goodness for open bars…they make anything feel and look better).
