My Own Version of the Cave
I’ve become fairly used to the orthodontic additions to my face in the past couple months. So much so that sometimes while getting ready I will completely forget they are there, turn the bathroom light off get ready to leave, only to remember (who knows why) that I should do a “braces check” before I leave (I am so paranoid of lipstick/gloss on my brackets, food, or some random horrible deformity that will magically appear.). 90% of the time when I look in the mirror I do not see the braces anymore, this does not include the millions of other times i am checking the mirror to make sure nothing is stuck or wrong or broken - just your run of the mill looking at my face I don’t notice them.
Then there are moments like this morning. Where Hitchcock couldn’t have written the 
scene better. I stepped out the shower, put my hair up in a towel, the mirrors still steamy and streaking from the condensation dripping down. I open the door walk into my kitchen, feed my cat (who is eerily quiet)…everything is quiet, and I walk back to the bathroom to begin my morning rituals when all of a sudden….I see them in the mirror, like the ax murder appearing suddenly behind me in my reflection. My braces. I jump back, literally shocked by my own reflection.
It is the strangest feeling to know what you look like, have looked like, for 20 some odd years, and to suddenly see your ACTUAL reflection. I’ve read that we only taste the first couple bites of our food and the rest of the meal is more of your brain piecing together what everything “should” taste like. I am coming to believe that our reflections are like this - we know what we should expect, what we’ve seen daily for, literally, ever. It’s probably why we don’t notice when we put on the little bit of weight until it’s a lot of weight - we aren’t able to see ourselves until something has drastically changed.
It’s an interesting topic, what do we actually “see” versus what we perceive to be the truth or reality. And, to try to curb the bias of this blog, and steal from the Parable of the Cave, one could argue that if I perceived my braces as a positive it would eventually become the reality (once again, the “fake it till you make it” strategy). To support this notion, I bring up the case of my coworker. My general strategy in braces life is to ignore them and hope you do too. Apparently it’s worked*. I was relaying a story from my blog and of course, mentioned my braces - she stopped me and said “You have braces?!” and then proceeded to recognize they were there. She has since told me that when she tries to picture me “without braces”, as she thought I had been, she couldn’t. In the Cave it is suggested that (in way oversimplified terms) once you see the “reality” you can never go back to your previous reality without being tainted. Now, my braces are about as aesthetically pleasing as they can be for brackets and bars (stupid invisalign…i curse thee for not working on me). It is relatively easy (now that my mouth has adapted to the extra occupants) to forget they are even there sometimes. But on those occasions that I remember and recognize that they are there it’s like they completely take over my face and thoughts. And of course I can’t just let it go, once I’ve made this “discovery” they stay on my mind all day - I am unable to forget the reality that exists in my mind. 
One could look at this and come to the conclusion that we create (or at least have the possibility of creating or changing) our own reality and therefore control how we view things - unfortunately I am not on that higher plane of existence yet where I can create a better teeth-reality for myself. And, unfortunately, I think the addition of the bottom braces will only serve to set me back a couple steps in the acceptance. I worry that by the time I am actually used to and accepting of it all they will be ready to come off! But I guess that is just the way things go, as annoying as that is.**
All of this is not to say that before the braces went on I was always 100% happy with the way I looked. I had my days, but they were mostly outnumbered by the I-Think-I-Look-Good days. ::Over dramatic warning:: With braces it doesn’t matter how good you look or what you do to “fix” and primp your self you’ll still have the braces. It’s frustrating.
After all that - I would like to end on a positive note, because I have been trying to be more optimistic in general, so here it goes: I had the most wonderful lunch today, good food and a pleasant walk in temperate weather. Also, this lol cat is great and may even inspire me to do some of my own art therapy for my “issues”.
NB: The unofficial corny soundtrack to this post is a toss up between Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror” and Christina Aguilera’s “I am Beautiful”…..can’t decide which one accurately conveys the silliness and 13-year-old-sorrow I feel about my appearance sometimes. I fully recognize the over-dramatic superficial nature of my rants and accept that I am, occasionaly, a dork.
* Some people tend to notice them right away, some never, and some at really random semi-awkward moments, I like to pretend that people never notice them until I bring them up.
**I am clearly in a semi-academic mood today, thank you for indulging me for a moment - feel free to disagree with my interpretation
